New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it's like iHOP with fire
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
