I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
smell my finger.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
