He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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