U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
