Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
