hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish i was in the wii world.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
