a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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