New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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