You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize