my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
