I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
