you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
