I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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