I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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