hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
