how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
