somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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