Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
