remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We need to rekindle our bromance
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
