Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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