I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
