Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
