She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
