its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
