Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize