I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
