tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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