Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Please, let me fuck your mom
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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