I'm really into asian looking animals
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
