I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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