I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
