I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
