Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Mom said you looked used
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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