I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
