I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
