please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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