May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
