Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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