How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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