I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
