i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
