the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
