Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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