i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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