Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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