my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
