would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
