Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
