I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
