Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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