we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's shark week go big or go home
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
