I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
