so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize