so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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