Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
