Someone shit on the floor
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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