i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
