how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
