Have you finally orgasmed yet?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
