Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
