Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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