At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize