I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Randomize
