Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You dont lie about slip and slides
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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