You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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