My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
