HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
