One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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