one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
