everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
