Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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