just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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