forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
