So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
