Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
