would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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