so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
