just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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