That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
