Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
