My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
