I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
