I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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