I cockslap morals
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
