I'm laying in your front yard are you home
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
