I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
