a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Farmville is her only friend.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
