I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
