She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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