My pussy is not your playground.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
