Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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