ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize