my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
