We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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