You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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