Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
