considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
