Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize